I Remember
by MyPassionateMusician
Summary: I look up at the stars. I remember that scene on The Lion King. How Mufasa told Simba about how he was going to be up there. Are you up there? Are you looking down at me right now, looking into my eyes?


Okay, another oneshot. All of these lead up to the Sequel to Countdown, which I'm still not sure the title. But once I get it...I'll tell you. So this one is pretty good. I like it..and it's sad. But then again happy. So R&R and enjoy.

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I look up at the stars. I remember that scene on The Lion King. How Mufasa told Simba about how he was going to be up there. Are you up there? Are you looking down at me right now, looking into my eyes? I hope so. I miss you so much. But I know you're alright, and that you're happy. At least, I hope you are.

You know, I still dream about you all the times. They started out at nightmares. I would wake up crying and hugging my pillow. Sadie would come in and comfort me and tell me everything would be ok. For the longest time I didn't believe her. I didn't think anything would be ok anymore. You left and I didn't think you were ever coming back. I couldn't write a song for months and Darius wasn't too happy about that. But he wasn't hard on me, because, for once, he understood. He even let me take some months off if I wanted.

Now Kwest, Kwest is a great guy. He's funny, sweet, and can always make me feel special. In a lot of ways he reminds me of you. But, he isn't you. The first couple of months he tried everything to get my mind off of you, and it worked for a while. Until I was alone in my room at night, that's when I would remember you, remember everything we've been through. The good and bad ran through my head. It was like someone was pressing a replay button over and over.

I don't blame you, if that's what you think. I know there was a reason you left. I just don't know what it is yet. I might not ever know. But like Sadie told me, maybe I'm not suppose to know. There are some things in this world that we're not meant to understand and maybe this is one of them. There are just so many things I wished I could've said, things I wish could've done. It was too late. You were out of my life, even without a goodbye.

The night is still a blur. It's like it was all a dream that I can't remember. It's like a huge puzzle I'm trying to put together but the pieces refuse to fit. Do you remember that night? What am I saying? Of course you do. You're probably thinking about the night right now. I try not to anymore. Not because it hurts, because the more I try to think about it, the more I don't remember. The only thing I see clearly from the night is the car speeding off and headlights. That's all, and you gone.

Great, here come the tears. If you were here you would probably wipe them off, kiss my head, and make me believe everything was going to be ok. You would hold me and make me feel safe. I miss that feeling. The feeling of your arms wrapped around me tight, like you never wanted to let me go. I miss the twinkle in your eyes when we just finished a song. I miss that smile that would just make me melt.

Have you heard my latest songs? There all about you. When I couldn't write I seemed to recall what you told me that night after the Vinyl Palace. You said "Working on a song, it's like falling in love. At first it's a rush, but then it gets painful, and sometimes you have to walk away. But sometimes you come out of it with something beautiful." I guess repeating that to myself helped me out. You were always there to help. Now you're not, at least, that's what I thought.

I was so lonely for the longest time. Then I remembered a quote that Kwest told me. He said you said it to him when he lost his mom and he felt lonely. Loneliness is only lonely if you don't look around to see who's with you. I wasn't exactly sure what that meant at first. And let me tell you something it kept me up all night. I sat in my bed trying to figure it out. I knew it had meaning I just didn't know what it was. I sat up in bed hugging my knees thinking about it. _'If you don't look around to see who's with you'_ I thought. So I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and opened them slowly. I looked around my room. It was dark and the only thing I saw was the moon and the stars. Somehow it gave me hope when I looked at the moon. I smiled a bit and then something happened. I saw eyes looking at me. Then I made out a figure. It was you. You were standing in my room. I was afraid to blink, thinking that you would disappear. I just stared there and whispered your name. You said, "Close your eyes Jude, close your eyes and wake up."

I reluctantly closed my eyes, and then opened them again. I was facing my digital clock that read 3:00 am. I thought it was a dream at first. Just like all my other ones about you. That is, until I saw something black on my chair near my desk. I got up and cautiously and touched it. It was your leather jacket. I gasped as I picked it up. I knew you left it for me. It's wrapped around my shoulders right now. I'm holding it close to me to keep out the cold as I sit here on my doorsteps.

Wait, I think I remember now. I think I remember that night so clearly. I do, oh, what I terrible night, the night I lost you forever. A tear is rolling down my cheek and I can barely feel it. I just stare at the pavement remembering everything bit by bit. I'm shocked. It's like it just hit me after a year of trying to remember.

_Flashback_

_We just came back from my birthday party. I had just turned 19 and we've been together since my 18th birthday. Oh, we were so happy. You walked me to your precious viper and opened the door for me. I kissed you on the cheek and walked in. You ran to the other side. You sped off as I turned on the radio. _

_You were driving pretty fast because we were late for dinner. The dinner my dad set up so he could "get to know you better." We laughed at the thought. He really just wanted to check you out. To make sure you were right for me. But you were, you were perfect. _

_We were almost there. Just a couple more blocks. A red light came up and you tried to stop. But you couldn't. "Tommy, Tommy stop! It's a red light!" I kept yelling at you. You slammed the breaks but nothing happened. I started to cry. You held my hand once you saw the car coming right at us. "Jude, tell me you love me," you said as tears rolled down your cheeks. "Jude, please, tell me," you started to beg. "I love you Tommy," I said as I saw the headlights in front of us. I closed my eyes and never let go of your hand. _

_Next thing I knew I was waking up at the hospital. I was bandaged up from head to toe. Sadie and dad told me about the accident, but nothing about you, so I asked them. "What happened to Tommy?" I said as I collected everything with one deep breath. They looked at each other and then at me with sorrow. "I'm sorry Jude," Sadie started to say, "He…he didn't make it."_

_Flashback Ends_

Now I remember. I remember everything. I remember watching your coffin going underground. I remember dropping a rose down there as everyone walked away. I remember falling to my knees in uncontrollable sobs. I remember. I thought you were never coming back, but I know you're here. I can feel you. Where are you though?

"I love you Tommy."

The wind gently blows against my cheek. I feel you kiss it and whisper "I love you too." Oh, there you are.

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Soooo...how was it...good or bad? Tell me please! 


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